Take a close look at this picture. The perfect family Christmas – even the dog looks full of festive cheer. And how closely does this resemble your family Christmas? I thought so. This holiday season does bring lovely moments, if we’re lucky – but can also be stressful, lonely, upsetting, conflict-filled and generally tough for many of us.
So, in the spirit of seasonal giving, here are my three top tips to survive the holidays, relatively intact:
Stop believing that silly pictures like this one represent actual Christmas. Sorry, I know I put it there. But still, at this time of year we are bombarded with ads, photos in the media – both mainstream and social – of perfect Christmas scenes, with happy families unwrapping presents under the tree, cavorting in the snow outside their huge house, and toasting each other over groaning tables of immaculately presented food.
For most of us, even if we’re lucky enough to have a family – and luckier still to have a family we actually get on with – this is just a fantasy. If we’re doing the prep we shop and wrap and chop and cook and clean and tidy and frantically try to make sure everyone has a nice time.
It’s so damn stressful… and for what? One or two days of our lives. So start by accepting that this is not how Christmas is, or even should be. It’s about love, and rest, and gratitude that we even have enough food to eat, or a warm house to celebrate in, which many people in the UK and around the world will not this year.
Take the pressure off, wherever possible. Does everyone really need all those presents? How many of them are destined for landfill, or at best charity shops, by the end of January? And what’s it doing to the planet, all that tinsel and plastic and electronic stuff that none of us really need. Sorry if this sounds Scrooge-ish (my family do tell me I’m a bit of a Grinch at this time of year!) but it’s also about looking after yourself, your mental health – and your bank balance. Many of us are struggling financially right now, so the last thing we can afford is buying vast numbers of presents for everyone we know.
Why not get everyone just one present. Something thoughtful (and ideally plastic-free) that they will actually love and use and keep for years to come. A life-changing book you read this year. A beautiful, well-made piece of clothing you know they will love. How about making something, if you are artistically inclined? Or writing them a letter, telling them how much they mean to you and all the reasons you love and appreciate them. Better than socks, no?
Make this a compassionate Christmas. One of our friends, who is of Indian heritage and whose family doesn’t do Christmas, spends a week volunteering at Crisis every year. She helps homeless people have a break from the cold streets – they get somewhere warm to sleep, clean clothes, hot showers, healthcare, a haircut, gifts and lots of lovely food. It can be life-changing, if you live on the streets and are treated as an irritation to be avoided and ignored most of the year.
And of course it’s a great gift for her, because giving of herself in this kind, altruistic way helps her mental health. We know from extensive research that compassionate acts like this are just as good for us as they are for the beneficiaries of our compassion. You don’t have to volunteer for a week, but perhaps a day at your local homeless shelter or food bank? How about inviting that lonely elderly person on your street for Christmas lunch?
Or buying all your gifts from the Choose Love shop, say, which helps refugees around the world get through the winter. They need all the love and help they can get right now, in my country and yours, wherever you are in the world. And giving like this – freely, without expecting anything in return – just feels good, doesn’t it? Humans are wired to be altruistic and pro-social in this way, so you get a lovely little dopamine hit in your brain whenever you perform a benevolent act. The very definition of a win-win.
This will be my last blog post/newsletter of the year, so I would like to say thank you to you all, from the bottom of my heart, for supporting my Heal Your Trauma project throughout 2022. This non-profit project is also a compassionate act, from the whole HYT team, trying to help everyone, everywhere with their mental health. And we couldn’t do this without your support, so a profound thank you for that.
I hope you have a restful, mindful and restorative holiday season. And look forward to reconnecting with you in the new year.
Sending you love and warm wishes,
Dan