What is Internal Family Systems Therapy?

As a psychotherapist, I am trained in a number of trauma-informed models and integrate them all in my clinical work, writing and teaching. One of my favourite models is Internal Family Systems (IFS), a warm and compassionate approach to therapy developed by Dr Richard Schwartz in the 1980s. Although it has much in common with many other models, including schema therapy, IFS is unique and counterintuitive in many ways.

Dick Schwartz (as he likes to be called) says he learned IFS from his patients, who kept talking about different ‘parts’ of themselves who were often in conflict with each other, with radically different belief systems, attitudes, roles within the internal system and ideas about what people should do, think and be. They would say things like, ‘One part of me wants to drink every night, but another part of me knows that’s a bad idea,’ or ‘One part of me is really attracted to this guy, because he seems a bit edgy and really sexy, but another part is so scared of being hurt and rejected again.’

So Dick Schwartz discovered that we all have these internal parts (called modes in schema therapy, subpersonalities or self-states in other approaches), which are more or less helpful for us. It’s important to note that everybody has parts. This is not just the result of trauma or other painful experiences as your brain and body developed.

And this idea, known as ‘multiplicity of self’, is backed up by neuroscience – it’s just how the brain works, with different neural networks holding different memories, images, thoughts, experiences, and so on. But we know that when people do experience trauma, they tend to have more parts and these parts can be more separated off and distinct, through a dissociative process called ‘compartmentalisation’.

So how do these parts work? Well, there are three categories: exiles, managers and firefighters…

Exiles: hidden away inside

Exiles are often young, sensitive, hurt parts of us that had painful experiences in the family, at school or in the wider world. So if you got bullied at 6, you may have a six-year-old exile who feels threatened, bullied and unsafe.

If you experienced trauma in the family throughout your childhood, you may have a whole bunch of little exiles, each holding something of that trauma – and frozen in time, because they are not integrated in your memory system and so still think they/you are 4, 7, 9 or whatever age they got stuck at.

These parts are called exiles because they can be exiled in your internal system. The protector parts think they are dangerous and scary, because the emotions they hold are so intense. These emotions feel overwhelming to your system, as if they will engulf you completely (even though, if you are a reasonably well-functioning adult, that’s not true).

So it’s like your mind locked them away in a room somewhere and tried to forget about them. In IFS, the ultimate goal is to reach and heal these poor little parts, because they are so hurt – and are the source of all your intense day-to-day symptoms, such as anxiety, hurt, loneliness or anger.

Managers: hard-working protectors

Managers, along with firefighters, act as protectors within your system. Managers are preemptive, trying to stop exiles breaking out of their locked rooms by being critical, controlling, perfectionistic, busy/distracted, and so on.

So a perfectionistic manager would try to be perfect all the time, presenting a highly polished and competent face to the world, so you never had to feel defective, not good enough or like a failure (all of which could be the beliefs/feelings of young exiles).

Managers work really hard! And it’s important to note here one of the wonderful concepts in IFS, which is that every part has a positive intention. As Dick Schwartz says, there are no bad parts. They are all just doing their best to help you, using the only tools they have (being critical, perfectionistic, controlling, etc).

That doesn’t mean that their method, or behaviour, is helpful; it’s just that they are well-meaning and deserve our love, compassion and respect as much as the parts we like and feel warmly towards.

Firefighters: putting out the flames

The other type of protector, firefighters, are reactive to painful feelings. So, for example, if you felt the deep sadness, hurt or loneliness of an exile, a firefighter might urge you to drink heavily, eat junk food, or spend hours zoning out watching TV. Firefighters are behind all addictions, but can also cause eating disorders, self-harm or suicide (which they see as the ultimate escape from unbearable feelings).

As I said earlier, it’s really important to remember that there are no bad parts in IFS. Firefighters can be hard to like and accept, because they can make us do quite self-destructive things, but remember they are just trying to help – they don’t think you can handle powerful emotions, so rush in to try and numb you out or distract you, to help you handle whatever you’re going through.

The Self: who you really are

So if you imagine all these parts inside, intimately interconnected, like a delicate ecosystem within your psyche, the next step is to know what is at your core as a person. In IFS, this is called your Self. In many ways, it maps on to the Healthy Adult in schema therapy, but it’s a bit different. Your Self is who you are, deep down. You were born with this Self (in fact, a baby is probably pure Self, without any parts until difficult stuff starts to happen).

One way to understand the Self is to think of the qualities it possesses, which in IFS are called the 8 Cs: Curiosity, Confidence, Calmness, Courage, Clarity, Compassion, Connectedness and Creativity. The Self has many other attributes, but I think this gives a helpful flavour of how it manifests in us all. Imagine yourself on your best day, feeling happy and calm, being kind to others, flourishing in your life, in what psychologists call a ‘flow state’ – that’s known as being in Self.

The lovely thing about your Self is that it cannot be hurt or damaged, whatever you might have been through in your life. I think of it like a mountain, with all the traumatic or painful stuff like strong winds, lightning and torrential rain – none of that harms the mountain in any way, however intense it gets.

So if you have a trauma history, the goal of IFS therapy is to help you access this part of you, which may have become hidden or lost over the years, so that your Self can ‘unburden’ your exiles and protectors of the painful loads they carry. Remember that your Self is still inside, just waiting to help you, when you are ready to access it.

I hope that gives you a flavour of IFS and your exquisitely complex internal system. I will be writing and teaching a great deal more about this model, as I continue to train in and practice this powerful, compassionate, creative approach to healing trauma.

Warm wishes,

Dan