How to Respond to the UK’s Riots? Meet Hate with Compassion

I have been watching with great sadness, shock and disbelief as the far-right have rioted in towns and cities across the UK over the last week. Today they will hold a rally near me, at a service helping immigrants in Finchley, which will no doubt descend into violence and chaos.

This violence breaks my heart in so many ways. As the descendant of Jewish immigrants – who fled persecution in Russia at the beginning of the 20th century and found sanctuary in England – I know all too well the fear of being othered, attacked and persecuted that refugees across the UK must be feeling right now. This was so acute for my grandparents, who lived through the horrors of World War II, working for a Jewish charity helping those who fled Hitler’s terrible reign from across Europe. They, like most of us, would have believed that we had evolved beyond poisons of the mind like hatred and racism – and they lived in Finchley, so would be horrified to see this ugliness so close to their door.

These poor refugees, who have escaped horrendous conditions and oppressive regimes in countries like Eritrea, Afghanistan and Sudan, thinking they had found safety here only to be terrorised again. My heart goes out to them and I feel nothing but love and compassion for them and their children.

It’s also heartbreaking to see all this violence and hatred erupt in my country. And it’s hard to know how to respond, because the more primitive parts of our brains fire up when under threat and we too feel hatred and fury, wanting to demonise the rioters and seeking harsh punishment for them. And, of course, they should be punished – by the legal system, which they will be, as our new prime minister has made very clear.

But I also take this Martin Luther King quote to heart, knowing that if we respond with anger and hatred, nothing will ever be solved. Hatred begets hatred. Violence begets violence. Instead, I think we need to address the fear these men must feel, on some deep level. They feel threatened and scared – and this fear is easily manipulated by nihilistic politicians and other bad actors online. And their fear becomes anger and hatred, directed at ‘them’, who they think will take their jobs, harm their families, become the dominant culture.

But these refugees are just humans, like you and me. All they want is to live in peace, send their kids to school, work hard and pay taxes and contribute to their new community and society. And of course we need immigration – our NHS could not run without immigrant workers, for example, nor could our farms or transport networks – so we need to help people understand that. Let’s do everything we can to counter all this hate and misinformation with love, compassion – and firm boundaries, because of course it’s never OK to terrorise innocent people.  

If you would like to take compassionate action right now, I recommend donating to Refugee Action, who are on the ground helping those affected by these terrible events. You can donate now using the button below.

And if these events are making you feel anxious and unsafe – especially if you are a person of colour, an immigrant, Muslim or Jewish like me – sending you all my love and warm thoughts,

Dan ❤️

Vote for Hope. Vote for Kindness. Vote for Compassion

This is a post about how to save democracy. It is also a post about kindness and compassion. And about how to create a better world.

We live in challenging times, as humanity faces an unprecedented array of problems. Biggest among these is the climate crisis, which makes all other problems we face pale into insignificance. If we don’t stop burning fossil fuels and treating the natural world like a resource to burn through, we are in big trouble. Linked to the global impact of climate change are problems like mass migration, rampant inequality, racism and other forms of ‘bad othering’, in which we look for simple solutions to complex problems, blaming groups of people we don’t like for issues that have nothing to do with them.

And all of these problems cause trauma, individually, societally and systemically. This is one of the many reasons I love internal family systems as a model, because it directly engages with these societal problems, aiming to heal not only individuals but, bit by bit, all of humanity. This may sound overly ambitious, but I passionately believe it to be both possible and essential. The rise in populist parties around the world is driven by fear, which is then exploited by unscrupulous politicians. If we can help more people – and their frightened parts – become less scared, more loving and accepting, we can fix our broken politics too.

Vote for humanity

That’s why I am urging you to vote in the general election wherever you live. If you’re in France, please vote on Sunday to keep the far-right out of power. For those of us in the UK, this Thursday I would encourage you to vote Labour, or for the progressive candidate best placed to win where you live. If you’re in the US, choose the Democrats come November (and yes, that may mean Joe Biden, with his many faults and frailties).

I am passionate about politics, because to me there is no separation between mental health and trauma, and wider social issues – they are completely intertwined. I was raised by parents who dedicated their lives to social justice, feminism, climate activism and improving the lives of those who were suffering. I have always followed their lead and done all I could to advocate for politics of love, kindness, fairness and justice. That said, I have complete respect for those who disagree with me and choose to vote differently – that’s what democracy is all about, after all, which is why it’s so precious.

But I think most people reading this would like a kinder, fairer, more compassionate world. One in which everyone had the chance to live in peace, to feed and house their family, for their children to be happy and safe. A world in which we cherished and lived in harmony with the natural world. And one in which we could co-exist peacefully, respectfully, tolerating our differences, not hating any person or group because they are ‘them’ and we only care for ‘us’. There is no them and us, just billions of humans who, as the Dalai Lama would say, all want to be happy and do not want to suffer.

Vote for a better world

I know that no political party is perfect. Certainly none of the ones I am advocating in this post. Our leaders are flawed, imperfect human beings – just like us. So I would also urge you to choose a good-enough party and good-enough leader. Remember your vote is so precious, hard-won by our ancestors who fought and died to protect freedom and democracy. Squandering that right is a disservice to those brave souls.

So please vote this week, in November or whenever your country’s elections are held. Vote for love. Vote for peace. Vote for a better world. And if you’re not happy with the choices your leaders make on your behalf, shout loud and clear so they can hear you and change direction. But opting out of voting is not the answer, because that lets the forces of darkness win. They are gathering strength around the world right now so we all need to do everything we can – peacefully – and vote, donate, sign petitions, organise and march to protect our freedom and human rights.

Thank you for reading – and for your support, as ever. It means the world to me.

Love,

Dan ❤️