The World Needs Your Love & Compassion, Now More Than Ever

Image by Clem Onojeghuo/Unsplash

This is a hard post to write. Part of me just wanted to hide under the duvet today. Regular readers will know that I very much wanted Kamala to be President, so the election result feels like a body blow. And there is no doubt that the next four years will be rough. From the plight of immigrants in the US, to protection of the natural world, the fight against climate change, respect for democracy, truth and the rule of law, it’s a dark day.

But I felt compelled to write, because another – much larger – part of me feels hopeful and determined. I keep thinking to myself about how precious life is, how fragile, and that this is my one and only life. I refuse to let anyone take four years of that precious life from me. In fact, I refuse to let them take even one day.

Of course, if your political views are aligned with mine, it’s perfectly natural to feel a whole host of hard, heavy feelings today. If you feel sad, scared, hurt or overwhelmed, let yourself feel whatever you are feeling. My heart goes out to you and my beloved readers in the US, especially, who will bear the brunt of whatever unfolds in that big, beautiful, complicated country. But also to those in Ukraine, the Middle East and elsewhere, who will also fear the ramifications of this dreaded result.

The only answer is love

As I often write in these posts, we are evolutionarily primed to respond with anger, hatred and hostility when we feel fearful or threatened. But I refuse to do that. It’s not who I am or how I wish to live my life. Instead, I will respond with even more love. More compassion. More acceptance and goodwill toward my fellow man – even those who disagree with me, or make decisions that negatively impact others.

My inspiration in this, as in so many things, is the Dalai Lama, a man forced to flee Tibet by the Chinese invasion, who has lived in exile since 1959. He has lost everything and watched in anguish as his countrymen and women were imprisoned, tortured and traumatised. But I have heard him say that he refuses to hate his tormentors, because then they would truly win. He is determined to remain compassionate, even to those who have done his people such harm, because that is his deepest value – to treat all sentient beings with love, kindness and respect.

That means we love every person, every creature – all life, in my view, from the tiniest sapling in the forest to every one of the eight billion humans with whom we share this planet. Not just the ones we like and agree with, but all humans, even the ones whose views seem ugly and hard to fathom. The Dalai Lama also teaches that we all seek happiness and to avoid suffering. There is no us and them, only us – we are all members of the same human family, stretching back millions of years to common ancestors, who walked out of Africa and populated the world.

So, whatever darkness unfolds over the next four years, let’s meet it with light. Hatred with love. Selfishness with altruism. Racism with respect. Othering with open-hearted welcome. I have a tattoo on my wrist which reads, be the light. It’s to remind me that, especially when times are hard and it looks like darkness is winning, it’s not enough to remember that there is light in the world too. We have to be the light, each of us in our own way.

Sending love and warmth especially to my US readers today, whether you are devastated or elated, red or blue, brokenhearted or bleary-eyed from celebration.

May you be happy.

May you be well.

May you be free from suffering.

Love,

Dan ❤️

If You're Struggling, Remember That This Too Shall Pass

Image by Eberhard Grossgasteiger

How are you doing, right now? I hope you’re OK and that the day is going easy on you. But, as you are human, you may be having a tough time, struggling with some kind of pain or anguish. And if that’s the case, let me start by sending you some love and warmth and I hope you feel better soon.

If you are struggling, one of the hardest things might be the feeling that it will never get better. I think this is especially true of depression (because everything seems very negative and hopeless when we’re depressed), but can be the case with any kind of suffering, mental or physical.

This thought came to me this morning, after an early trip to see my osteopath – a kind and brilliant man called George. Since he has been treating me, I have had two acutely painful episodes: one a nasty back flareup and the other a decidedly-not-fun rib injury, which I am currently overcoming.

And I realised today that I had fallen into the trap of thinking/feeling the ribs would never get better, despite all of George’s sterling work and my daily rehab/exercise programme – I have had this problem for over a month now. But, you know what, after my treatment it is feeling better today. I think, finally, we are on an upward trajectory and I can see the end in sight. No more sore ribs, which will be blissful (rib injuries are not great, let me tell you! Laughing hurts. Sleeping hurts. Coughing hurts. Breathing hurts).

This too shall pass

My (hopefully) healing ribs reminded me of that somewhat over-used but still brilliant piece of wisdom, ‘This too shall pass’. A quick Google tells me that this stems from a fable written by Persian Sufi poets, but whoever said it first, they captured something vital for us all – as I am always saying to my clients and when teaching Heal Your Trauma events, no matter what you went through, however bad it was, it’s never too much and never too late to heal.

This applies as much to backs and ribs as it does traumatic experiences in childhood, episodes of acute panic and anxiety, depression, or whatever you might be struggling with right now. It may not seem like it, but it will pass. You will get better. The anxiety will ease, your mood will lift, your ribs will stop hurting.

And you may need help from your very own George (everybody needs a George, I think), from me or another therapist, from wise writers and teachers, yoga instructors, mentors, friends, partners and loving family members. But whatever you are struggling with right now, remember: this too shall pass.

Sending you love and warm, healing thoughts,

Dan

Be a Force for Good in the World

Image by Unseen Histories

This post is a bit different from my usual writing on this blog. As a therapist, I am passionate about helping people – those I see in my office, the ones I can reach through my writing, and those who are suffering all over the world.

For me, promoting kindness,  compassion and good mental health and believing in social justice go hand in hand. And it currently seems that many of our leaders and corporations, rather than striving to make the world a better place, are doing a great deal of harm. 

Reading the news on a daily basis, it's easy to feel overwhelmed by all the negative things that are happening around the world. In the UK, we have a government that has done terrible damage to beloved and life-saving institutions like the NHS; and years of austerity have done real and lasting harm to the mental and physical health of millions of – mostly poor – families in the UK. As mental health problems increase at worrying speed among our young people, it's not hard to see the impact of these policies on people's lives.

“The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.”

— Martin Luther King

In the US, we have a President who attacks the very foundations of democracy on a daily basis, while promoting an agenda which encourages the worst elements of humanity at home and abroad. If you, like me, are a liberal, what should we do? It's tempting to give up and retreat, to focus on the small daily pleasures that life brings and try to ignore the news, hoping it all eventually goes away.

But, as someone who believes passionately in social justice; whose life is dedicated to bringing more kindness and compassion into the world; who is deeply proud of living in the wonderful multiracial and multicultural melting pot that is London, I think we have to do all we can to stand up for the forces of light in the world.

What you can do

As the descendant of Russian Jews, who emigrated to Britain in 1905 to escape the Pogroms; whose grandparents worked for a Jewish charity helping immigrants fleeing Hitler in the 1930s, I know all too well where nasty, dehumanising ideologies can lead. And I think we all need to do everything we can to stop them. 

So instead of feeling overwhelmed and helpless, here are three things you can do today:

• Be a digital activist. Sign petitions (they do work, whatever people say), write to your politicians, post on Facebook walls and tweet to corporations and others who are causing harm.

• Boycott companies which are behaving unethically (here is a list of the most and least ethical companies in the world). Write to them and tell them why you are no longer a customer – this is the most effective way to get big companies to change, because losing money and negative PR are the most important influences on them to behave more ethically.

• Support campaigning organisations like Greenpeace, WWF, Amnesty International USA, the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU), Earthjustice, Hope Not Hate – they are fighting to protect the environment, human and civil rights in the courts, which is a powerful strategy to effect positive change.

And don't succumb to hatred or bitterness – another Martin Luther King quote comes to mind: 'Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.'

Warm wishes,

Dan