We have all done it. Made a quick, impulsive decision that we came to regret. It might be something small, like agreeing to go on a date with someone you know, deep down, is not right for you. Or buying something shiny and new that you can’t really afford and don’t really need. ‘Act in haste, repent at leisure,’ as the saying goes.

But, as I often say to my clients, there are times when acting hastily is a good thing. Imagine your toddler starts wandering towards a busy road. You have to act, now – rushing over and scooping them up before they get hurt. Or imagine that, as you are driving down a country road, you notice the car coming towards you weaving erratically. As the other driver gets close, they drift into your lane and come at you head-on – again, this calls for immediate, no-thinking action. Blasting your horn and swerving out of the way is, quite literally, a life-saving decision.

Your brain is very good at these quick, urgent, life-or-death decisions because millions of years of evolution have wired it to do this. These are what I call ‘escape the lion’ moments. Hard-wired by your ancestors’ many close shaves with predatory animals, or hostile tribes, the most powerful systems in your brain spring into action when needed. And this is, of course, a very good thing – you would not be reading this post without them.

When slow is better

But, unless we face a genuine life-or-death threat, this kind of urgent, reflexive action is often unhelpful. This is especially the case if we are feeling some kind of strong emotion, like anger, fear, hurt or jealousy. These emotions activate those evolutionarily ancient parts of the brain, while de-activating the prefrontal cortex – the rational, sensible, big-picture-seeing region of the brain that sits behind your forehead.

When we have a decision to make, we definitely want the prefrontal cortex making it for us, not the limbic or threat systems, which are highly emotional, reactive and urgent. So here is a simple practice I have developed, which is helpful if you have any kind of decision to make – what to say when your husband barks at you, or how to respond to a critical email from that colleague who drives you crazy. Use this technique any time you need to slow down, take a moment and act carefully, mindfully, rather than hastily.

The practice: Taking a mindful pause

Start by finding a comfortable sitting posture on a straight-backed chair. Let your feet be flat and grounded on the floor
Gently roll your shoulders back, feeling your chest open up. Imagine a golden thread pulling your head, neck and spine into alignment, so you are sitting in an upright but relaxed posture
Close your eyes, if that feels comfortable for you, or soften and lower your gaze
Now I want you to imagine you need to make a difficult decision, choosing between two options. The first option is what you always do in this type of situation, so it’s an easy and familiar path to take. Everything in you is pulling you in that direction – this is called acting on ‘automatic pilot’, in mindfulness-based therapies
For example, you may be grappling with whether to eat a big slab of chocolate cake. It looks so enticing and delicious, your mouth starts salivating as you imagine all that sweet, gooey, chocolatey deliciousness in your mouth
Just notice how that feels, in your body. There may be a feeling of urgency, or tension, perhaps a sense of being magnetically drawn towards the cake, your hand grabbing the fork and shovelling mouthfuls of cake before you even know what has happened
There’s just one problem – that morning, you have been given a diagnosis of type-2 diabetes and been told by your doctor, in no uncertain terms, that you must reduce your intake of sweet, sugary foods or your health will be in serious trouble
Suddenly the cake doesn’t seem so enticing, right?
So, instead of grabbing that fork, let’s take a mindful pause. Start by taking a few slow, deep, breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth. Keep breathing
And as you notice those breaths travel in and out, in and out, scan your body and see if the cake-choosing path involves a sense of urgency, of speeding up, perhaps energy rising and a slightly frazzled, tense feeling in your throat, chest, shoulders and belly
Whatever you notice, just allow it to be there, it’s fine. Just keep breathing for a minute, allowing those feelings and body sensations to be there, without acting on them
As you continue to breathe, you may notice those sensations start to ebb away, bit by bit, reducing in intensity like a wave breaking on the shore, then receding
As the wave recedes, you now realise there is a second option, which is to pass on the cake, perhaps eating an apple instead. Not so fun, not so easy, but the right thing to do, given that scary diagnosis
This is the second path that is always available to us, if we allow ourselves to pause, let the prefrontal cortex come online and make a slower, more measured decision
Now slowly, consciously, in your mind’s eye reach for the apple and eat it, savouring every bite. It doesn’t pack the dopamine-inducing punch of chocolate cake, of course, but it’s still sweet and tasty
Scan your body again and see if any positive feelings are generated by making this healthier, more conscious decision. You might notice some pride, satisfaction, or optimism. If so, even if those feelings are very subtle, focus on and enjoy them for a few seconds
Then let go of this image and bring your attention back to the breath, travelling in and out… the weight of your body, resting on the chair… your feet on the floor… sounds reaching you from all around…
Slowly open your eyes and try using this mindful pause throughout your day, whenever you have a tricky decision to make
Do this over and over and it will become easier, with practice, helping the prefrontal cortex fire more easily and allowing you to make slow, sensible decisions whenever you need to

I hope that proves helpful for you – I will be recording this practice soon for my Insight Timer collection, so you can listen whenever you need it.

Sending you love and warm thoughts,

Dan