Why All My Webinars & Workshops Are Affordable for Everyone
Image by Lina Trochez
I have decided to make all of my Heal Your Trauma events affordable for everyone. I am currently offering a range of webinars (via Zoom) and workshops (a mixture of in-person and online) – here are all of the events planned for 2022.
Why the change? Well, a couple of important reasons. Ever since I set up Heal Your Trauma, I have been wrestling with how to charge enough for the events to cover costs, but still make them accessible to as many people as possible. This is a labour of love for me, because I am passionate about helping as many people as possible to heal from their trauma and subsequent mental-health problems. After trying a number of different pricing models, I had one of those lightbulb moments last week – I realised that this was the best way to make sure that I can realise the project’s core value: Offering affordable help for anyone who is struggling with their mental health.
I am also deeply moved and concerned by the current cost-of-living crisis in the UK, throughout Europe and across the globe, where so many people are struggling with the impact of war, hunger and the climate crisis. In my country, the UK, millions of people will struggle to pay their heating bills this year, so even modest prices for mental-health support will be out of reach for many. So this is the second reason for the change – everyone can now access high-quality, evidence-based teaching, help and support.
The Buddhist concept of Dana
I have also changed the booking system for my events, so if you click on the Book Now button below you will be whisked off to the Eventbrite platform and offered three options for booking your place, either completely free, a Reduced-Fee Ticket or Supporter Ticket. If you are able to pay for your place, I would gently encourage you to do so. There are a number of expenses involved in running these events and the Heal Your Trauma project generally, so any donation you can make, however small, will help me cover those expenses.
It may also be helpful to understand the Buddhist concept of Dana – a Pali word (the language of the Buddha) which means, roughly, generosity or the voluntary giving of materials, energy, or wisdom to others. Dana works two ways – one, it is part of my commitment to Buddhist values (I try, with varying degrees of success, to live my life according to these ‘precepts’) in offering these events to most participants for free.
And second, if you are able to contribute in any way, you are making the same commitment. Your donation allows those who cannot afford it to attend the many Heal Your Trauma events I have planned, for this year and the next.
The new pricing system will start with my next Zoom webinar: Overcoming Depression: How to Lift Your Mood & Feel Calmer, Happier & More Hopeful, which takes place on Saturday 15th October 2022.
You can book your place now, using the button below – I hope to see you there.
Sending warm wishes – especially to those who are struggling right now, for any reason,
Dan
Come to My Overcoming Depression Webinar in October
Image by Patrick
If you struggle with depression, or care about someone who does, book your place on my next Zoom webinar – Overcoming Depression: How to Lift Your Mood & Feel Calmer, Happier & More Hopeful.
This webinar, which is both highly informative and experiential, is free to attend if you’re on a low income – or please do choose the donation option if you are able to support the Heal Your Trauma project. It will be held on Saturday 15th October 2022, from 3pm-4.30pm.
Overcoming Depression – How to Lift Your Mood & Feel Calmer, Happier & More Hopeful features 90 minutes of teaching, powerful exercises that will help you feel calmer and more relaxed, and a 15-minute Q&A with me, Dan Roberts, a leading expert on trauma, mental health and depression.
In this powerful, highly experiential webinar you will learn:
What causes depression – and why it’s more helpful to think about ‘depressions’, because there are many possible reasons to get depressed
The key role of core developmental needs – and why, if these were not met for you as a child, you will be vulnerable to depression as an adult
Why research shows that self-compassion is a key part of the healing process for depression – I will teach you some key self-compassion skills in this webinar
And, during a 15-minute Q&A, attendees can put their questions to me, Dan Roberts, Founder of Heal Your Trauma and an expert on trauma, mental health and depression
Watch the video for more information and book your place now using the button below.
Warm wishes,
Dan
How to Comfort and Reassure the Anxious Child Inside You
Image by Joseph Gonzalez
Whenever my clients tell me they are feeling anxious, after validating their feelings, my favourite question is, ‘Which I is feeling that way?’ Sometimes (especially if they are new) they look at me with a baffled expression, so I clarify by saying, ‘I’m wondering which part of you is feeling anxious? I know it’s not your Healthy Adult, because she just stood up to your boss when he was shouting at you. So who is it?’
And then they get it, so they say, ‘Oh right, it’s little me who’s scared.’
This may seem a bit pedantic, but it’s so important. When we say, ‘I’m scared/worried/stressed/panicky/lonely/overwhelmed’ we are saying that every part of us feels that way. Problem one: this isn’t true. And problem two: it means we are ignoring or missing the part of us that is not feeling any of that stuff, or perhaps just mild discomfort rather than huge and overwhelming feelings. In schema therapy we call this part the Healthy Adult. Freud called it the ego. In internal family systems it’s the Self, compassion-focused therapists would name this part the Compassionate Self, Buddhists speak of Buddha Nature, and so on.
In my opinion, it doesn’t really matter, as long as we are aware that we are not just one homogenous blob of a personality – just Dan, or David, or Daisy. Research by neuroscientists has proved beyond doubt that there are many parts of us – it’s just how your brain forms your personality, starting from birth.
And we also need to grasp the idea that there is a rich, powerful, healing resource, somewhere inside, that we can develop over our lifetime to heal from trauma or any other painful experiences in childhood – and that this inner resource can calm, soothe and comfort the anxious, hurt, depressed or angry young parts of us.
What is your vulnerable child?
The idea that there is an inner child somewhere inside us is not a new one. But Dr Jeffrey Young, the founder of schema therapy, took this idea and developed it with great wisdom and skill. Dr Young saw this part (or ‘mode’, in schema therapy language) in all of his clients, especially those with a history of complex trauma, whose young part was incredibly sensitive, easily triggered and highly emotional.
You have a Vulnerable Child inside you, as do I. And schema therapists like me call that part Little X, so I have a Little Dan inside me. This part of me is small, young, emotional, vulnerable and highly sensitive. He also holds all the painful thoughts, beliefs, memories and emotions from my childhood, which was not always easy. So he holds memories of me being bullied when I was 11, with all the painful thoughts and feelings associated with that extremely hard time in my life.
If you’re feeling anxious right now, it’s little you feeling that anxiety. He or she is probably scared that something bad is about to happen – perhaps that you will be criticised, shouted at, hurt, rejected or abandoned by someone important to you. Or you feel threatened about something you have to do, or somewhere you have to go (anxiety is always threat-focused, because the function of this emotion is to warn us about bad stuff that’s about to happen).
The practice
Comforting your anxious child
Next time you’re feeling anxious or are worrying about something, try this simple practice, which should help you feel calmer and more at peace.
Start by switching your phone to silent, so you won’t be disturbed. Then sit on a comfortable chair, with your feet grounded on the floor, gently roll your shoulders back and lengthen your spine.
Close your eyes and take some slow, deep breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth, roughly four seconds in and four seconds out. Just breathe for at least a minute, allowing yourself to settle.
Now locate the anxious feeling in your body. Anxiety often shows up in the stomach, or it might be your chest, especially around the solar plexus (between and just below your pectoral muscles). You might notice butterflies, tension or a knot in your stomach, a feeling of nervous energy, or tightness/tension in your chest.
Now send some breaths into this part of your body. Don’t try and switch off or get rid of the feelings and sensations, just breathe into them. Keep sending warm, friendly, compassionate breath into your throat, shoulders, chest or belly.
Sit with that for a minute – and see if you notice those parts of your body soften, just a little.
Place a hand on your body wherever you feel the uncomfortable sensations of anxiety in a warm, soft, supportive manner – like you would place your hand on the shoulder of a friend who was upset. Feel the warmth from your hand begin to spread into the skin and muscles. Send that warmth, along with the breath, into the tense, anxious places in your body.
Now I want you to visualise yourself as a child. It can help to have a photo of yourself, especially at a young age and one you feel warmly towards (it’s common for us to have complicated feelings towards our Vulnerable Child, especially if we experienced trauma in our childhood).
If you struggle to feel warmth or compassion towards little you, imagine your own child, niece, nephew or friend’s child you are fond of. Just imagine that they are feeling scared and think about how you would respond to them. What words would you use? What would your tone of voice be? You would probably speak a bit more slowly and use a warm, friendly, reassuring voice tone. That’s the tone you need to comfort the child inside you.
Now come back to the photo of little you, or just an image of yourself in your mind’s eye. Speak to them from your (warm, wise, compassionate) Healthy Adult. You can do this out loud, or just think the messages to them inside. Let them know you get that they are scared right now. Tell them that is perfectly natural – there is a lot to be scared about in the world, especially at the moment.
But you can also reassure them, not in a fake ‘everything’s fine!’ way, but rationally and authentically, telling them that, for example, it’s OK if your spouse is angry with you, because adult you can handle a little conflict. Or you might say it’s normal to worry about problems with your health, but adult you will visit the doctor to make sure everything’s fine and most symptoms we experience are perfectly safe and benign.
Keep soothing and reassuring them in this calm, friendly, rational way. Then – don’t try and force this, just do what feels natural – let them know you care about or even love them. Sit with that for a few seconds, feeling that internal connection between your Healthy Adult and little you.
Finally, see if there are any good feelings inside – you might feel a bit calmer, more relaxed, lighter in your body, or a sense of warmth. If so, just enjoy those feelings for a while. Let them soak into your body for at least 30 seconds.
Then take a deep breath and open your eyes.
Try this often, whenever you feel anxious. Once a day is good, five times a day is better. Like all new skills, it will be tricky at first, but get easier with time and especially practice.
I very much hope that helps – sending you love and strength on your healing journey.
Warm wishes,
Dan
Receiving Kindness and Compassion From Others – How to Let it in
Image by Berkay Gumustekin
Most of us know that kindness and compassion are helpful qualities to develop. And if you are trying to improve your mental health and wellbeing, you will have received that message loud and clear from all the books, blogs, podcasts and social media posts you consume. It’s good to be kind and compassionate to others. It’s good to be kind and compassionate to yourself. It’s good to spend your time with people who are kind and compassionate to you. We all know this to be true.
But – and this is a big but – for many of us, none of this stuff is easy. In my last post, I explained why self-compassion is so powerful and healing. But I have also written a great deal about why it can be a struggle to generate self-compassionate thoughts and feelings, especially if you have a trauma history. Many of my clients, colleagues, friends and family members are kind, compassionate people – but have a tough time treating themselves with a similar level of warmth and benevolence.
Something we think less about, but which is equally important, is whether we are able to receive compliments, kind words and compassionate gestures from other people. Surprisingly, this can be just as tough as generating self-compassion.
Taking in good stuff – why it’s hard
With many of my clients, I have noticed over the years that when they are given a compliment, they bat it away. ‘Oh, anyone could have done it,’ they say, or ‘It really wasn’t that great.’
The same thing happens with kind words, offers of help and support, expressions of love and affection – all are deflected, batted away, subtly rejected. When I have said something warm and complimentary, telling them how big-hearted they are, or how much I like them, some of my clients actually flinch, as if I have said something cruel and hurtful.
And this is such a shame, because I am offering them a chance to feel good about themselves, to counter the often harsh, negative and unpleasant messages they have received from family members their whole lives.
But this is precisely the problem. If, as a small child, you are on the receiving end of a barrage of hurtful attacks, whether verbal or physical, you quickly learn to create some kind of armour to protect yourself. This armour may take the form of a part that helps you detach and shut down inside (called the Detached Protector in schema therapy), so you feel numb, rather than sensitive and vulnerable to being hurt.
It may look like avoiding difficult people or situations at all costs. The armour might be behavioural, like distracting yourself with your phone, or using substances to help you feel numb or disconnected from your emotions, because they hurt too much.
And all these forms of armour make sure you never feel open, vulnerable, exposing your soft belly to the world. Because you have learned that if you do so, you will be attacked, rejected or hurt in some other way.
So no wonder you push away compliments or kind words! Because to receive them you need to be vulnerable, to trust, to be open – and these can all feel threatening, especially if you have a big trauma history.
The practice
I developed this practice, which I call the Treasure Chest, to help one of my clients struggling to take in kindness and compassion from others – you might find it helpful too.
First, I want you to imagine that somewhere inside – your heart, maybe – you have a treasure chest. And this chest is yours and yours alone. Nobody else gets to use it. Nobody else can access it – just you.
Close your eyes and take a moment to really imagine this chest – what’s it like? What shape is it? What is it made of? What colour is it? Is it light, or heavy? Does it have any decorations or patterns on the outside? The more vivid this detail, the more real it will seem to your brain when you need to use it.
Now, here’s the hard bit. Next time somebody offers you a kind word, or compliment, instead of reflexively shrugging it off or batting it away, I want you to imagine taking this lovely thing and storing it in your treasure chest. Remember, nobody knows it’s there. No-one can access it. It’s just for you.
You could visualise the kindness as a piece of treasure, like a gold coin or beautiful, light-filled jewel. And as you store it in your secret chest, see if you can allow yourself to feel it, even a tiny bit, too. So if someone says, ‘I love the way you’re always so wise and know exactly what to say when I’m feeling down,’ if you let yourself, you might feel just a bit proud. There may be a small ripple of warmth in your belly, chest and throat. You might even feel yourself walking a few inches taller, that your chest has expanded a little, or shoulders relaxed and dropped.
It can also be helpful to start a journal, writing these gifts down there, too. If you get a lovely email, you could store it in a special folder (mine is called Hardwiring Happiness and I keep all sorts of heartwarming messages there). Write it, draw it, keep it in some concrete form – this will help make your treasure more real and make sure you don’t lose it.
If you keep doing this, bit by bit, slowly your treasure chest fills up. And you learn to accept those kindnesses and compassionate gestures, rather than pushing them away. Then, over time, that starts to change the way you feel – about yourself, about other people, about the world and your future. Nothing radical or dramatic, just slow, steady, incremental change. Until one day, you feel a bit happier, a little better about yourself, a tiny bit more confident and self-valuing. And that has to be a good thing, right?
I really hope that helps. And if you would like to experience me teaching this and lots of other helpful techniques live, come along to my next webinar: The Healing Power of Self-Compassion, which takes place from 3-4.30pm on Saturday 28th May 2022.
I hope to see you there – and am sending you love and strength, whatever you might be struggling with right now.
Warm wishes,
Dan
Don't Miss My Next Webinar: The Healing Power of Self-Compassion
Image by Taisiia Stupak
As part of my Heal Your Trauma project, I am offering a series of Zoom webinars throughout 2022. My second webinar – The Healing Power of Self-Compassion – will be held from 3-4.30pm on Saturday 28th May 2022.
One of the core values of this project is that everything is free, or priced affordably. So this 90-minute webinar costs just £29 to attend live, as well as gaining exclusive access to a video of the event, to watch whenever you like.
The Healing Power of Self-Compassion features 90 minutes of teaching, powerful exercises that will help you feel calmer and more relaxed, and a 15-minute Q&A with me.
In this powerful, highly experiential webinar you will learn:
The key role that self-compassion plays in healing from any psychological problem, but especially trauma
Key experiential exercises – such as breathing, guided meditations, journaling and imagery – you will learn to help you develop your self-compassion skills
How self-compassion is crucial to help you deal with stress, anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, being overly self-critical, eating disorders, substance abuse and most other psychological problems
And, during a 15-minute Q&A, you will get the chance to put your questions to Dan Roberts, Founder of Heal Your Trauma and an expert on trauma healing and developing self-compassion
Don’t miss this chance to learn from a leading trauma therapist and expert on mental health and wellbeing. Watch the video for more information and book your place now – for just £29 – using the button below.
Warm wishes,
Dan
The Difference Between Empathy and Compassion – and Why it Matters
Image by Aarón Blanco Tejedor
Are you an empathic person? As you are visiting my website and reading this post right now, I’m guessing you are. But there are some common misconceptions about what empathy actually is – and how it differs from compassion. These differences might seem a bit pedantic, or only of interest to psychology nerds like me, but it’s actually of crucial importance to you, especially if you struggle with mental-health problems.
Before we get on to empathy and compassion, let’s start with sympathy. If I feel sympathy for you, it means I feel sorry for you. So if I were walking down a street in central London and saw a homeless person begging, I might think, ‘Poor guy – he looks really miserable,’ and feel sorry for the homeless person.
Empathy is different – and actually involves a much more complex and sophisticated psychological response than sympathy. If I felt empathy for the same homeless guy, I would take time to imagine what it felt like to be him – I would try to put myself in his shoes and really work at getting what it felt like to sit there, day after day, on a cold pavement (and it’s making me sad just writing that sentence, because I think being homeless must be a terrible existence).
Empathy is a good thing, but…
So you can see that feeling empathy is harder for us than mere sympathy. It takes intentional effort, especially in a city like London where, very sadly, we can walk past hundreds of homeless people a day. It can also be uncomfortable, because I am imagining what the guy might be thinking (probably not very happy thoughts) and feeling (probably sad, crushed and hopeless, if he’s like most homeless people I have spoken to).
This is one reason many people lack empathy, because it can be painful to put yourself in the mind of another. And especially if you live in a busy, crowded metropolis like London, where you have to shut yourself down a bit not to get overwhelmed by it all.
It’s also why people make the mistake of speaking about ‘compassion fatigue’, when what they really mean is ‘empathy fatigue’. It’s easy to get overwhelmed by too much empathy – especially in our world, with heartbreaking wars raging in Ukraine, Yemen and Ethiopia, the ongoing coronavirus pandemic, famine… If you really allow yourself to feel the pain of the whole world you would just implode.
Moving into compassion
That’s why compassion is a much healthier state, but also requires another step in terms of psychological flexibility. When I feel compassion, I first have an empathic response to the homeless man, putting myself in his shoes. But I then take compassionate action – meaning I am determined to do something to relieve his suffering. And that makes all the difference, because now I am protected from burnout or fatigue.
So I might ask to buy him a sandwich or cup of tea. If he looked down or upset, as a therapist I could sit and listen to him and do what I could to help. And you don’t need to be a trained therapist to take a moment to sit next to someone and make a simple human-to-human connection. In my experience, homeless people always love this and find it deeply moving, because it means we are seeing them as a fellow human being, not just an annoying obstacle to step over or rush past as quickly as possible.
It’s clear that the world needs more compassion right now. Taking compassionate action would help us solve the many challenges facing humanity, such as those terrible wars raging, climate change, income inequality, poverty, hunger, racism and other destructive forms of discrimination, violence against women, abuse of all kinds… Every single problem we face as a global human family could be solved with a little more empathy and compassionate action.
Want to know more?
If you would like to know more about compassion and how helpful it can be – especially if you have a trauma history/are struggling with any kind of mental-health problem – do book your place on my next Zoom webinar: The Healing Power of Self-Compassion. This 90-minute webinar costs just £29, including access to a recording of the event, to watch whenever you like.
You can find out more about the event on this page, or book your place using the button below.
I hope to see you there!
Warm wishes,
Dan
Book Your Place on the First Heal Your Trauma Webinar
If you have a trauma history, or care about someone who does, book your place on a live, two-hour Zoom webinar with Dan Roberts, Advanced Accredited Schema Therapist, Trainer & Supervisor and Founder of Heal Your Trauma. What is Trauma and Can it Be Healed? is the first of a series of regular webinars presented by Dan Roberts throughout 2022.
This event, which will be both highly informative and experiential, will take place from 3-5pm on Saturday 26th February 2022 and costs just £49 to attend live, as well as gaining exclusive access to a video of the event, to watch whenever you like.
What is Trauma and Can it Be Healed? features two hours of teaching and powerful exercises that will help you feel calmer and more relaxed, presented by Dan Roberts, a leading expert on trauma and mental health.
In this powerful, highly experiential webinar you will learn:
Why a wide range of events can be traumatising for us, especially when we are young
Why trauma describes both the traumatic event and its impact on the mind, brain and body
Why it’s crucial to understand the role of the nervous system, which is often ‘dysregulated’ in trauma survivors and needs help to come back into a regulated, calm state
Powerful practices to help you feel calmer and more at peace, including one of the most effective and fast-acting breathing techniques available
Why it’s essential to find a trauma-informed therapist; and why standard counselling and psychotherapy can be unhelpful for trauma survivors
The importance of kindness and compassion for yourself and others – and how to generate these powerful, deeply healing ways of thinking and feeling, even if you have found this difficult throughout your life
Don’t miss this chance to learn from a leading trauma therapist and expert on mental health and wellbeing – watch the video for more information and book your place now using the button below.
Warm wishes,
Dan
Watch My New Heal Your Trauma Video: What is Trauma?
We hear the word ‘trauma’ used often these days – in the mainstream media and on social media, by experts, celebrities and normal, everyday people who have gone through traumatic events. But what do we mean by psychological trauma? Which kinds of experiences can be traumatic for us? What are the short- and long-term effects of those experiences? And, crucially, can traumatic wounds ever be healed?
In the first of a series of short webinars I will be recording for my YouTube channel, I attempt to answer the above questions. In this 20-minute webinar I explain:
Why I think that the standard clinical definitions of trauma are too narrow
Why traumatic events don’t necessarily cause post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD)
How trauma affects every level of your mind-body system
And, most importantly, why it is never too much and never too late to heal, whatever you might have gone through and however wounded you may be as a result
I am currently working on a series of full-length webinars for my Heal Your Trauma project, which you will be able to watch either live, or access the recording to watch at a later date. In the meantime, do check out my YouTube channel, listen to my guided meditations on Insight Timer, and you can sign up for my newsletter, using the form below, so you can be the first to hear about these resources as I make them available.
I very much hope you enjoy the webinar and find it helpful.
Warm wishes,
Dan
Weekend University Lecture on Schema Therapy and Trauma
I am giving a lecture on Schema Therapy & Trauma for The Weekend University, from 1-3pm on 26th September 2021. This is one of three lectures from experts in the trauma field, as part of A Day on Healing Trauma, Part 2. The lecture is part of my Heal Your Trauma project, which involves teaching, webinars, workshops, guided meditations and self-help books, as well as training and supervision for mental-health professionals.
If you are a trauma survivor, this will help you understand a great deal more about complex trauma – what causes it and how it affects every level of the mind-body system. I will also guide you through some powerful experiential techniques to help you feel calmer and more at peace.
And if you are a mental-health professional or just interested in psychology, the lecture will provide a unique insight into one of the most powerful therapy models available, which can heal even the most complex or hard-to-treat trauma-related problems.
A Day on Healing Trauma, Part 2 is charged on a sliding scale, starting at just £26.99 for the full day. If you are interested, you can find out more or book your place at The Weekend University using the button below.
Warm wishes,
Dan