Did you experience Small t trauma as a child?

Trauma is one of those terms which is often misused and misunderstood, especially on social media. In a way, it’s good that we are now talking about trauma much more openly – this is definitely a step in the right direction. But in our information-saturated world, we are also in danger of absorbing misleading information from convincing-sounding people on the internet. So, what actually is trauma? This is a question I have spent the past year deeply engrossed in, as I write my new self-help book on healing from childhood trauma.

One of the most useful definitions I have explored comes from Dr Francine Shapiro, founder of EMDR therapy. She distinguishes between Big T traumas like being in a serious car accident, a house fire, experiencing a natural disaster or a violent assault. And small t traumas, which are less-severe experiences that nonetheless are traumatic, especially for kids with their highly sensitive, still-developing nervous system, mind, brain and body. Small t traumas include:

Being bullied at school, or in your family

Growing up in poverty, or experiencing other kids of physical neglect

Having one or more parents abusing substances, or with severe mental-health problems

Being physically disciplined, at home or school

Growing up in a a high-conflict home, with lots of fighting and yelling

Being sent to boarding school, especially at a young age

Experiencing repeated discrimination like racism, homophobia, sexism or transphobia

Being neurodivergent in a culture/education system designed for neurotypical folks

Being shamed by your parents on a repeated basis – made to feel you are not good enough or unlovable in some way

Having to move home/school repeatedly throughout your childhood

These experiences, though clearly milder than being injured in a nasty car accident, are nevertheless wounding for a sensitive little kid. If you had to endure any of these in your childhood I’m sorry – you may well be dealing with the legacy of those small t traumas in your life now. And this is a key idea in understanding trauma – that experiences which have a transformative, long-lasting impact are traumatic for us. They are also overwhelming at the time, cause us a great deal of stress and affect the functioning of our nervous system, as well as other systems in the body.

So experiences like being fired from a job, or having your heart broken, however painful they may be, are not traumatic if that pain eventually subsides and you are able to carry on with your life. Trauma gets stuck, in your mind-body system. And it’s hard to overcome, often requiring the help of a skilled, trauma-informed therapist. But, as I am always writing in these posts, it absolutely can be overcome, however bad it is, because we have such a deep understanding now of trauma and how to treat it.

That’s why I always teach that It’s never too much and never too late to heal. And I 100% believe this because as a trauma therapist I see people make incredible changes every day, even if they endured horrible things in childhood. Like all wounds, traumatic ones can be healed, with enough love, support and wise guidance.

I hope that helps – and do check out my new range of meditations below, all of which are designed to help with your trauma-healing process.

Love,

Dan ❤️