One of the key ideas I always share with my clients is that we all have a certain temperament, which we are born with and which has a profound impact on the way that life experiences, good or bad, affect us. Many of my clients have a sensitive, emotional temperament, which means that they are much more affected by problems in the family than someone with a robust, more intellectual temperament.

It's important to emphasise that having a certain kind of temperament is neither good nor bad – it's just like being born with brown or blonde hair, blue or green eyes, not your choice or fault in any way but simply how you arrived on this planet.

I also tell my clients that I have a sensitive, emotional temperament too. This can make life difficult at times, as I am affected deeply by negative experiences and my childhood was pretty bumpy, to say the least. But it also bestows on me particular talents and gifts – I could not be a therapist without this kind of temperament. After all, you wouldn't want a therapist who was insensitive, unempathic or unkind!

Dandelion children

Psychologists have, in recent years, been investigating the theory that we are all either orchids or dandelions. This is based on the Swedish idea that 'dandelion children' are pretty robust and do well in any environment, even if the parenting and family dynamic are less than perfect.

US psychologists Bruce Ellis and W. Thomas Boyce extended this idea to include 'orchid children', who were especially sensitive and so needed just the right conditions to thrive. In practice, that means loving, nurturing parents; a relatively calm and stable family environment; and no traumatic experiences during childhood.

If orchids have a difficult family dynamic, they will struggle – developing a number of schemas which will affect them throughout their life and very likely experience depression or anxiety, among other problems, when these schemas are triggered by stressful events. But, if these sensitive children are well-nurtured, they will bloom into beautiful young people and later adults – just like the orchids above.

Warm wishes,

Dan