I wrote a recent post about how to use Compassionate Breathing to help calm yourself down and regulate your nervous system (here’s a step-by-step practice I recorded for Insight Timer). You can use these two steps as a standalone practice, or try them as part of a four-stage practice that I use with all of my clients, which adds a couple of stages focused on developing self-compassion.

Again, I have recorded an audio version for Insight Timer – and you can watch the video, below, for a step-by-step guide to this simple, powerful practice. Before you try it, you will need to be acquainted with the vulnerable little boy or girl inside, who we direct the compassion to. This idea comes from both schema therapy and internal family systems therapy, so have a read of these pages first, if you would like. (This is not essential, but will make the practice more powerful for you).

THE PRACTICE

1. Adjust Your Posture. Make sure your feet are flat and grounded on the floor, then let your shoulders gently roll back so your chest feels open. Now lengthen your spine – sit upright but relaxed, with your head, neck and spine in alignment. Imagine an invisible piece of string attached to the top of your head, pulling you gently upright.

Sitting in this position helps you feel grounded, alert and stronger in your core. There is a lot of research on the link between your posture and mood, so just a simple adjustment in your posture can help you feel a bit more energised and stronger, with a slight uplift in your energy and mood.

2. Compassionate Breathing. Close your eyes, take deep, slow breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. Your breaths should be roughly four seconds in, four seconds out – try counting the in-breath for one, two, three, four… then the out-breath for the same count. Imagine that your abdomen is like a balloon, inflating on the in-breath, deflating on the out-breath. Keep breathing, noticing everything slowing down and letting your muscles start to relax.

Breathing this way should help you feel calmer within a minute or so, but if you have time, I recommend extending the practice for up to five minutes – it’s just deep breathing, so you can’t do it too much! I also love this practice because you can do it anywhere – on the bus, in a difficult meeting, at your desk…

3. Supportive Touch. Gently place a hand over your heart in a friendly, supportive manner. Feel the warmth under your hand and imagine it trickling down until it reaches the hurt little girl or boy inside. Imagine that’s a warm, kind, healing energy that soothes this frightened or upset part of you.

4. Compassionate Self-Talk. Now talk to your little self the way you would to a troubled friend. Try to use a voice tone that’s warm, slow and reassuring. Say things like “Oh, Little Jane/James, I know you’re struggling right now – I really see how scared/upset/angry you are... But I want you to know that you’re not alone... I’m here with you... I care about you... I’ve got you... And we will get through this together...”’

Try this every day. You can play around with just using steps one and two, which are easier and can be done anywhere. And then add steps three and four when you’re alone and have time.

I very much hope that, over time, this will help you feel calmer and more relaxed; as well as generating self-compassion, which is a key skill in trauma recovery.

Warm wishes,

Dan