What I Have Learned (the Hard Way) About Self-Compassion

Image by Cris Saur

This post is not easy to write. It’s a confession, of sorts. And an admission that I haven’t been practising what I preach, despite my best efforts to do so.

I talk about self-compassion so much, in these posts, my webinars and workshops, with my clients and supervisees. I see this skill as a mental-health superpower. Self-compassion is so important, whatever psychological problems you might have and whatever has happened to you in your life to cause those problems.

And I thought I had learned this skill, myself, after 30 years of personal-development work. I do so much to look after myself: personal therapy, daily meditation, healthy diet, regular exercise, plenty of sleep, rarely drinking and much more.

But lately I have been struggling. I had a couple of health issues, one I wrote about in a previous post and another this weekend, when I had a big energy slump and did not feel at all well (in fact, I felt a lot like the crashed-out koala in this photo!). I see both incidents as my body speaking to me, loudly, telling me I was doing too much, driving myself too hard, not caring for myself in the way I teach and try to care for others.

In short, I learned a hard lesson about self-compassion – apparently it’s important for therapists too! Who knew.

Making some changes

So I have, finally, listened to my body. I have made some tough-but-necessary changes to the Heal Your Trauma project, starting with cancelling all of the upcoming workshops this year. This was a real wrench – and I am very sorry to those who had booked places. We have refunded everyone who paid for a ticket, but I know it’s still not ideal and I am truly sorry. It couldn’t be helped, I’m afraid.

Many of those workshops have been replaced by webinars on the same topic, which are much easier for me to teach, so don’t take as much of my time/energy to offer. I hope you sign up for those, starting with my next webinar (somewhat ironically) on 27th May: The Healing Power of Self-Compassion. You can book your place now using the button below.

I am also listening to and leaning on my wonderful team, including my dear friend and Clinical Director of Heal Your Trauma, Claire van den Bosch. She is a brilliant therapist, thinker and teacher, so do come to her webinar on 18th November: Overcoming Addiction – Heal Your Pain and Escape the Addictive Cycle. You can book your place for that here.

Practising what I preach

Although this is a tough post to write, I am passionate about de-stigmatising mental-health problems like stress, low mood and burnout. And one way to do that is to be honest about my own struggles with these problems. I am human, just like you. I have strengths and weaknesses, just like you. I sometimes need a wake-up call to take care of myself, just like you.

And I am looking after myself – I recently took a week off and have more holidays planned. I am taking it much easier, day to day, not filling every spare minute with busyness and productivity. Going slower, more mindfulness, more meditation, more rest. And I just came back from the gym, where I had a light workout and then sat, sipping a cappuccino, on a balcony overlooking the beautiful garden. I am so lucky to have such a lovely place as a healing resource. I feel nourished and rejuvenated, which is a good start.

Again, my deepest apologies if these changes have caused you inconvenience. We didn’t make them lightly. But I have had to accept that I need to take better care of myself, so I can help those who need my care.

Thank you for reading this and your ongoing support for the Heal Your Trauma project, it means the world to me.

Sending you love and warm thoughts,

Dan