Humans are thinking creatures. More than any other animal on Earth, we have the ability to think, reason, analyse, remember our past and imagine a future that hasn’t even happened yet. That is because of the cortical layer of our brain, especially the prefrontal cortex – the most evolved part of our brain, which is involved in high-level, executive functions like impulse control, rational thought and predicting the consequences of behaviour.

And this miraculous supercomputer in our skulls is what allowed humans to write symphonies, build the Pyramids and fly to the Moon. That uniquely human brain is also what allows me to practice psychotherapy, or write this post. And it helps you problem-solve your way out of difficult situations – a vital and sometimes lifesaving skill.

When thinking is not your friend

But if you are struggling with your mental health, feeling highly stressed, anxious or depressed, thinking may not be your friend. That’s because the kind of thinking we do when we’re experiencing high levels of painful emotion can be deeply unhelpful. Let me give you an example.

Jane is a highly anxious, frequently worried type of person. And when she hits bumps in her life, she tries to think her way out of them. Jane engages that thinking brain and then worries, obsessively, projecting into the future with hundreds of ‘what if’ thoughts (‘What if my boss doesn’t like my work and I get sacked?’, ‘What if I can’t find another job?’, ‘What if I lose my home and end up on the street?’).

These obsessional, catastrophic thoughts are especially bad at night, when Jane lies there for hours worrying, worrying, worrying. This just makes her more anxious, stressed and, of course, exhausted. So the next day her resources are low and she feels ten times worse.

Keep it simple

In schema therapy language we would say Jane has a Perfectionistic Overcontroller mode, which tries to be in control all the time, hates uncertainty or feeling out of control, and believes that there is always a perfect solution if she just thinks long and hard enough! If I were helping Jane I would work with this mode to help it calm down a bit and give her a break from the relentless worrying.

I would then help Jane to develop a range of activities that did not involve thinking. This would first involve drawing up a list of coping skills. Try this yourself – write ‘coping skills’ on top of a blank sheet of paper. Then come up with 10 skills, with different types of activities you can use at different times. The first four skills I teach clients are always my Posture, Compassionate Breathing, Supportive Touch, Compassionate Self-Talk sequence (read all about those in this post).

Use what works for you

The other six are negotiated with my client, depending on what they find helpful, calming or relaxing. Yoga is fantastic, if it works for you. Mindfulness or other forms of meditation often go on the list. We might also add taking a long, luxurious bath; watching a TV show or movie you find comforting; calling a trusted friend; getting a hug from someone you love; stroking your favourite pet; drinking a warm, milky drink; going for a walk, preferably in some green space; reading a blog like this one, which focuses on improving mental health; listening to a song you find moving or joyful…

The list is endless, really. It’s just about finding ten things that will help you feel (depending on the emotion you are struggling with) calmer, more peaceful, more grounded, happier, more energised, or mindfully in touch with the present moment. Try it now – write up a list and then stick it on the wall next to your computer, on in your bedroom, where you will see it every day.

Then practice those skills, on a daily basis, until they become so familiar it’s like muscle memory. Over time, you will find that you are able to take the edge off whatever painful emotion you are feeling – that also gives you a strong foundation to begin therapy, use self-help books, or whatever way you choose to work on the deeper wounds that cause those painful emotions to bubble up.

I hope that helps. In my experience, it really does, so I hope it benefits you as much as it has hundreds of my clients.

Warm wishes,

Dan